Kristin, I am reading this with a lump in my throat. I am so angry and so, so sad. I don

maybe it would be a round patch, warm brown background with a golden yellow border. smooth white iron-on material on back although it could also be sewn on with needle and thread. maybe it would have a flame or a cloud, signifying power and beauty and destruction in one. maybe it would have a spiral made of a dashed line, depicting the twisting mind that freezes and stomach twirls interspersed with stomach drops. maybe it would have a single madjarsko drzavljanstvo forum dot, a single mark isolated and fully exposed. maybe it would have a heart, orangey pink with a strong gray border, not letting anything get to the green core. it would be a sign.
it could mean i made it, i m not ashamed, i m a badass, i was so scared, i was hurt, i was violated, i ll never forget, madjarsko drzavljanstvo forum i m healing, bent but not broken, i m a rock thrown in the wheel, interrupting the cycle
and if everyone madjarsko drzavljanstvo forum knew the sign and if people wore them on their sleeves or their jackets or their hats or had black and white versions tattooed on their arms or their legs or the soft spots between their thumbs and fingers…if madjarsko drzavljanstvo forum they did that then i could see them. or maybe even more, they could see me.
the loneliness surprises me. a coffee date or rowdy party or singing with friends or cards or gifts or flowers madjarsko drzavljanstvo forum or texts soothe me, remind me of the now, keep me grounded and i am grateful. when pleasure counters pain i am grateful. when settled calm replaces frantic thinking, i am grateful. when i understand some detail and feel a sense of letting go, i am grateful. when i m walking and squint because the sun is so bright, i am grateful. when i immerse myself in a green leaf and notice lines i never did before, i am grateful. when i see a baby not yet hurt by the world, i am grateful. when i speak to my preschoolers with tenderness and fierce respect, i am grateful. and and yet, a quiet but heavy loneliness remains.
so then i fantasize that i could walk into the coffee madjarsko drzavljanstvo forum shop or the party or the circle of friends and see the signs. i could go to the grocery store, see a woman choosing a green pepper and notice the sign on her sleeve. i could walk down main street madjarsko drzavljanstvo forum and pass a man jogging, the sign on his tshirt. i could walk up to the liquor store and watch an old man carry his paper bag, the sign inked with old-school blue on his forearm. i could wait at a stoplight and glance over at the old woman driving her clean tan car, the sign swaying from her rear view mirror. but then this also means i could wait in the high school parking lot and see a former preschooler, the sign so small drawn with marker on the inside of her arm. or i could be at the state fair on dollar day and see bus loads of elementary students, the sign on backpacks and wristbands. i could see them, they could see me.
the knowing. madjarsko drzavljanstvo forum while every story is different, owned only by the person who lived it, there are threads that run through. the time warping. the lifetime of aftermath. madjarsko drzavljanstvo forum the secrets. the triggers. the polarizing mind. the hidden shame. madjarsko drzavljanstvo forum the lost self. the unanswered questions. the betrayal. the loss. the grief. the loneliness.
Reply ↓
Kristin, I am reading this with a lump in my throat. I am so angry and so, so sad. I don’t even know how to form a response except madjarsko drzavljanstvo forum to say that the work you are doing is powerful and redemptive and I hate that you – or anyone – has this work to do.
Notify me of follow-up comments via email.
%d bloggers like this: